I am not a "woe is me" type of person. I mean, I like to gab and gossip with my girlfriends and complain about the life normalities that we all seem to have these days in our mid-30s with kids and husbands and jobs and plain ole' adulthood.......but I know how good my life is and I don't troll social media for sympathy over anything. That's just not me.
 |
| Pardon the super crappy grammar of this meme. But you get the point. |
And I am definitely not trolling for any sympathy now. I've just had a few glasses of wine and so am blogging honestly. Well......I always blog honestly. This time it's just not as quirky and funny as it usually is. BECAUSE WE ALL KNOW I'M DAMN FUNNY. ;)
P.S......If someone could tell Piper (my hound dog) to stop whistling/whining downstairs, that'd be great. GO TO BED, DOG. THE TORNADO IS OVER. I PROMISE I WILL DO MY BEST TO SAVE YOUR LIFE IF IT COMES DOWN TO THAT.
Anyways......my big "woe" of the moment......which is no secret to those of you who follow my blog......is my current weight and post-Baby-#2-belly. Which is such a selfish and petty thing to "woe" over. I mean - really - there are sooooooooooooo many more MUCH BIGGER problems out there in the world. And me bitching about my body image doesn't even fall into the kinda-sorta-maybe-a-tad-bit-little-bit-bitty-bit-important pile. Not at all. But since it's an issue I'm dealing with personally, and since I'm not some big blogger star trying to maintain any certain image or perspective, I'm gonna bitch and whine about it!
 |
| I just thought Jessica Alba looked beautiful here and wanted to share. I found this pic while searching for a pic of something completely different. |
For those of you not "in the know", I was my fittest and trimmest since starting college (in 1997 - gulp) in the fall of 2011. I started running for the first time EVER in November/December of 2010, completed my first 5k in February 2011, and then ran my first half marathon in September 2011. I was still 20 pounds over where I started in my freshman year of college, but I was in much better shape and couldn't imagine actually weighing much less than my lowest 2011 weight. I felt great all around, and I felt like I looked pretty great after so many years of letting things go and not caring BECAUSE BEER AND FOOD.
 |
| One of my skinny pics from February 2011, though I still lost about 8 more pounds by September. |
Baby #2......though I do love her dearly.......has done a number on my body. And I was TOLD that it would so I should have been prepared. Especially with having kids only 16 months apart. But you're never really prepared for what you don't really want to hear. I was hoping I'd be like one of those girls who just bounced back like a celebrity. Like Kate Hudson (who gained over SEVENTY pounds during her first pregnancy). Which of course is an absurd ideal. But even just like one of my super small friends who bounced back as if they had never had a child (or second or third). Or even just like the way I did after Baby #1. But no, no. I have instead become a frumpy version of myself. A version of my old self during my pre-running days. With crappier clothes. And more gray hair.
 |
| A pic from my pre-running days. |
Finished today - Tuesday - because I realized it was super late Thursday:
I have been trying to get back into shape for a while now. I've changed my eating habits a couple of different ways to see what works best for me and I've started running more frequently. I've started adding in core exercises (though I'll admit I've kind of fallen off the wagon on that venture) and I've ordered cookbooks full of 400- and 500-calorie meal recipes. I've Googled methods for losing weight left and right, avoiding all of the fad diet ideas (such as The Hot Dog Diet) and anything else super strict and not realistic. I've also talked to friends about what has worked for them. So I'm full of information and methods and theories and plans and ideas.....and yet here I still am. Still frumpy and uncomfortable in my own skin.
 |
| Definitely not my goal! |
I'm fully aware that I could be doing better.......I could be making sure that I'm running and/or working out a solid 5-6 days a week. I could be eating even better than I am, even though I'm eating way better than I was......I could stop making excuses for days where I throw in the towel during a meal or two out of laziness or deliciousness. And maybe all that betterness is what's holding me back. Maybe I need to BE that person who wakes up every morning at 5:00 am to hit the treadmill.....or that person who hits the treadmill every night before bed (that's waaaay more likely of me). Maybe I need to BE that person who refuses to cheat during my weight loss mission, because the cheat meals just aren't working for me. Maybe I need to BE that person who does more than just running and a little core work here and there - maybe that worked for me before, but after two kids, it's not working now.
On the plus side, even though I don't look any different from when I started doing things better for myself a few months ago (because I've lost a whole whopping 5 lbs), my running has DEFINITELY improved. I did a half marathon in January (which was awful.....it was 18 degrees with a wind chill of 9 degrees, and I just didn't run well at all....it was painful), but then came back with a vengeance in February with a half marathon I was proud of. A few weeks later (a little over 2 weeks ago) I ran another half marathon that I was also proud of. And I have another half marathon this coming Saturday and I'm feeling good about it. So I'm getting my groove back. I'm running long distance again and it feels good and comfortable and I'm enjoying it. And as I mentioned in a previous blog post, I've got a whole other set of races I'm already registered for (or eyeballing) over the next 10 months. So things are falling into place in the running world. They just need to fall in place in my physical appearance world.
If I would just buy cute clothes that FIT, I would probably feel a little better about my muffin top. It would definitely keep me from wearing the same set of clothes week after week. But since I refuse to remain the size that I am now, I refuse to waste the money to buy clothes in the size that would fit properly. I have a pile of jeans sitting on my dresser that are all too small right now. Some of them button (but it's an awful sight) and some of them won't even zip. But I refuse to get rid of them because those are the jeans that I want to fit back into. I also have a closet full of shirts that are not tight, but are form-fitted enough that I look ridiculous in them right now. Those are the shirts I want to wear comfortably again. But those clothes just sit there - waiting - because right now I'm stuck in my two pairs of "fat jeans" (which also don't fit quite right for their own reasons), yoga pants (YAY, STRETCHY) and standard T-shirts.
 |
| YES. |
I know that all my "woeing" over a stubborn muffin top is silly and shallow. I know there are girls out there who are a whole lot more self-conscious about their physical appearance than I am, whether they've had kids or not. And I know that I'm not - in a general comparison - very big at all. But it doesn't mean that I'm not still self-conscious about myself, or that I'm not frustrated that the results from the work I've done so far are just barely apparent. I'm still a girl, and I still have a goal. I'm just not a spring chicken anymore. It's taking a whole lot more time and effort to reach this goal, and it's frustrating!
It's now late and time to go to bed. But I thought I'd share the fruits of my labor....aka Baby #2.....for a smile moment.
 |
| :) |
No comments:
Post a Comment