I have been a SLACKER on the blog front lately. I really need to get back on it. So here I am, at 11:20pm, getting back on it.
Let's see.....where to begin? Let's start with today, and just go from there. Today I had to break up with a friend of mine. It sucks to have to break up with a friend, even when you REALLY want to. This particular friend is the one I call my "accidental friend". You know the one - the friend you accidentally made and now you're kind of stuck. Well, this particular friend and I have been friends for a little over 2 years, and it all started at a Humane Society Christmas party. She just happened to be the person that sat down next to me at the table......I was friendly, we chatted all evening, I gave her my number when she asked for it, and that's where it all started. I've always known that she was really odd and not at all the type of person I would normally ever want to hang out with, but I gave it a chance and just let it be. And all was relatively okay until about a month ago, which is when her little temper tantrum crazy side exposed itself (keep in mind she's 38 years old). So last week I kind of "tested the water" again......and the temper tantrum came flying out again. All because I said "no" to something she wanted to do (the first tantrum was because I said I didn't need her to babysit my kids, the second tantrum was because when she invited herself over to my house to pick something up, I told her I'd just swing by her house to drop it off instead). Must I remind you that she's 38 years old?
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| EXACTLY. |
I thought about sticking it out because I know she doesn't have many (if any) friends, but the thought of it just became unbearable. She had gotten to where she was texting me multiple times a day, constantly planning the next time we would get together. Even if I told her I would text HER when I knew what day I could do lunch (or whatever), she would text me daily to remind me to text her. I just simply have NO desire to be around her anymore, because I cannot deal with a toddler trapped in a 38-year-old body. Plus, she's just exhausting. So why should I feel obligated to keep the friendship facade going? And why should she be okay with having a "friend" who cringes at the thought of hanging out? So I broke up with her. And let me tell you, that took like 3 hours. I could have just opted to start ignoring her and letting her take the hint, but I knew she would BLOW UP my phone if I did that, so I felt the more adult decision was to verbally cut ties. I explained that I did not agree with her behavior and that I felt we just didn't have anything in common. That I didn't hate her and that I wasn't mad, just that I didn't feel that friend connection and so I thought we shouldn't hang out anymore. She refused to accept it, accused me of holding grudges, informed me that nobody's a saint (not even my other friends), told me that I was hateful, told me how stupid she thought it was that I couldn't get over the past, let me know how much her feelings were hurt, and wanted to know why I didn't want to just "talk this fight out". She ended it (or I ended it, rather) with her begging me not to call it quits and to give her another chance. That sounds like a perfectly legit solution, and a tiny part of me wanted to say "okay fine.". However, as awful as it sounds, the thought of being around her after witnessing her acting like such a child makes me want to hide in a hole and not come out until she's gone. If I would have said "okay fine", I would have HATED myself for it. So I stuck by my guns and told her that I was very sorry, but that it just wasn't an option right now. I probably said "I don't want to hang out anymore" about 14 times before I finally had to say, "If you were my boyfriend, this is where we would be breaking up." Because she absolutely did NOT want to accept the fact that I was okay with not being friends anymore - at least not the kind who text all the time and hang out. And even after the conversation was completely over, she still texted me twice more later on, and I fully expect to get texts tomorrow. She's both sad and angry and I get it. It's a horrible thing, breaking up with a friend you don't really want to have anymore. But what else can you do?? Some people I've voiced this whole situation to (prior to the breakup) felt sorry for her and said that I'm probably all that she has in the friend department and that I just needed to establish boundaries. Come to a common ground so that she could keep her friend and I could get some relief. They gave examples of their own "accidental friends" and how they handle them. And I totally understand that solution. It's the much kinder solution. The kind I myself would NORMALLY take. But I just couldn't do it. I opted for the scissors.
My favorite response to the "accidental friend" dilemma was "I'm too much of a bitch to have accidental friends. Nobody would ever accidentally become my friend." Good one.
Tuesday night:
So that was yesterday. She texted me twice more last night - first to ask what the name of the restaurant I told her about with the cakes was (City Cafe) and then to say "Oh yeah" after I told her City Cafe. I had told her about it weeks ago, knowing she would like it. We had actually planned on going there for lunch one day.
So today arrives and I know - I just KNOW - that I am not going to get off the hook without any texts from her. I just had no clue which direction they were going to go in.......would she keep begging me to stay? Would she wake up mad all over again and tell me how awful I was? Was she going to pretend like nothing ever happened like a crazy person? And I felt like crap this morning about the whole thing. I even had a moment where I wished I had taken the nicer advice.
**So I just realized that I think I'm actually now writing in the "comment" section under the above picture. My text is much smaller than before. Ah well. It still reads the same. I'm on my brother's laptop (he's de-virusing mine) and it is WAY different so I don't know how to fix it. First world problems.
Anyways, I got my first text from her around 10:00 this morning. It said "I know you don't want to hang out anymore but can you still bring the kids over from time to time so my mom and I can see them?"
I think that's one of my most favorite texts ever to date. It's only slightly surpassed by the one I received from my brother a little while ago when he sent me a picture of some dinner bones asking if they were okay for the dogs to have. When I asked him what type of bones they were, his response was "Femur."
Femur. Awesome.
I didn't respond to that text (the one from the ex-friend, not the one from my brother). Either she doesn't really get it or she was testing me to see what I would say. Her next text shortly after was asking where City Cafe was. So I responded with a quick and to-the-point location answer. A while later, she sent me a text telling me that she saw a consignment sale with baby clothes opening up in East Ridge soon. I didn't respond. A few hours later she texted me with the name of the sale and the date it opens. I didn't respond. About 6:30, she asked if I had gotten her texts about the consignment sale. I responded with "yes". She responded with "K".
Lucas says I just need to ignore her completely. I didn't feel the need to be rude about something as mundane as asking where City Cafe was. But I guess if this breakup is going to stick, he's right. Otherwise she's going to be texting me on a daily basis just to talk about the weather.
I don't want to have to go through this breakup ALL OVER AGAIN. But she's seriously like one of those ex-boyfriends you can't shake. I feel like she's in pure denial. She absolutely REFUSES to let this one go. And I'm not trying to make myself sound like some prized possession she should fight for. Good grief no. All I really wanted out of this whole end-of-friendship ordeal was to walk away knowing I had been an adult about it (unlike some of the childish ways I've handled breaking up with some of my boyfriends in the past). But it seems to still be going on.
So tomorrow is another day, and I wonder what texts await. And I will ignore them. Even the ones about the weather.
